There is NEVER an excuse or good reason for sexual assault or harassment! PERIOD!
Sex is not a four-lettered word unless and until someone degrades it by demonizing sexual activity. Healthy sex is God’s idea!
Having worked with people who are survivors and even thrivers of sexual assault and harassment I can tell you that if I was not a born again believer in Jesus Christ I would demonstrate just how inexcusable that behavior is to those who harass and or assault females.
Having said that, I am concerned that the current mood and #metoo movement is being used to sabotage genuine sexual interaction between males and females.
Men are mainly motivated through what they observe, and when the observation of those females that catch the attention of males becomes a sexually unacceptable event we have entered into dangerous territory.
Even Jesus understood the nature of men is to look at women. That is why He said this,
Matthew 5 NAS
“28 I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.”
Did you notice Jesus qualified what constitutes unacceptable looking? Jesus made an obvious distinction between what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. In making the distinction Jesus gave the okay to looking that is void of lusting. According to Jesus, lust in the heart is the problem not the look with the eyes!
But eyes can be indicators of what is going on in the heart. When looks linger too long then lust may well be the reason. And when a male makes a female feel uncomfortable they have crossed a line that communicates the possibility lust is present.
All males are responsible for what they manufacture in their imagination and that is why Jesus taught men to deal with what they see when they see what they are looking at.
Males, here is your sign: When what you see is a person you want to have sex with instead of the person you are seeing you are probably lusting. “Cut it out!”
Lust is connected to covetousness which is connected to desiring to possess what one does not have legal access to. The desire develops into a plan of action that will bring about the desired possession.
A male does not sin when he sees a female and feels something sexual when he sees her. Those feelings are gifts from God. A male sins the moment he takes those feelings and begins the process of sexually possessing the female in his imagination. In other words, when a male sees a female that makes him feel sexually alive he has not sinned until he imagines what sex with her would be like. By not “cutting that out” its natural digression is to move to a physical attempt to carry out what the male carries in his heart. That is sin!
It is biologically factual that the same area in a man’s brain that causes hunger and gives pleasure from the smell, sight and taste of food is exactly the same area that gives a man pleasure from the smell, sight, touch and taste of a woman.
The same area of the brain [limbic system] controls our appreciation, and regulation of food and sex. The limbic system is where our emotional activity operates generally. By the way, I am not a brain surgeon. Food and sex travel along the same path and birth similar types of reactions. Dopamine is dumped when we see, smell, taste and or touch food that is appealing to our appetites. The same happens in the area of sexual interaction between males and females.
A male’s appetite for food and sex originate in similar places in the brain! That is one reason I believe Peter said, “Wherefore having girded up the loins of your mind.” [1 Peter 1:13 YLT]
In verse 14 Peter writes, “And, since you delight in obedience, do not shape your lives by the cravings which used to dominate you in the time of your ignorance.” [WNT]
In other words, living responsibly is possible for those who will be responsible for the life they are living.
Look at how the ABIPE translates verse 15, “But be Holy Ones in your entire way of life, as he who has called you is holy.”
“Using functional MRI scans, researchers examined the brains of young men as they looked at pictures of beautiful women. They found that feminine beauty affects a man’s brain at a very primal level – similar to what a hungry person gets from a good meal or addict gets from a fix. One of the researchers said, “This is hard core circuitry. This is not a conditioned response.” Another concluded, “Men apparently cannot do anything about their pleasurable feelings [in the presence of beauty].””
Dr. Walt Larimore, MD [Page 99, His Brain, Her Brain]
Dr. Larimore writes, “Men apparently cannot do anything about their pleasurable feelings [in the presence of beauty].” He does not say, “Men are powerless to direct those feelings in a healthy and holy way.”
God is the One who hard wires humans in the womb of their mothers. So, if what Dr. Larimore states is true God hard wired males to be moved emotionally in the presence of what they perceive to be beautiful.
Psalms 139 NAS
“13 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;”
According to David, God forms our frame and inward parts in our mother’s womb!
The God who gives only good gifts gifted us with pleasure points that are designed to be developed into healthy and holy eating and sexual activity. It is not a sin to see food that is appealing and desire to partake of it. It is a sin to want to possess it without going through the legal requirements to eat it.
The same is true when a male sees a female that creates a sense of sexual pleasure. Manipulating people or maneuvering into a desired position for the sole purpose of acquiring what is not legally ours is where desire turns from holy and healthy to ugly, unholy and unhealthy.
Now, if females do not want to be objectified or sexualized then they do need to ensure they are not “nakedly” marketing their “wares” by dressing in markedly obvious undress. And claiming being “unaware” is an unacceptable excuse. No female leaves their home unaware of how they are presenting themselves in public.
In other words, while men are responsible not to take what is not theirs, females have a responsibility not to communicate, “Come take me because I am free for the taking.”
No female deserves to be harassed or assaulted no matter what they are not wearing! PERIOD!
Here are two writers of the New Testament who “touched” on this subject.
“9 Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, 10 but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.” [1 Timothy 2 NAS]
“3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.” [1 Peter 3 NAS]
Too many people misunderstand the message of these two men of God by focusing on the clothes instead of the core values. These verses are about the heart attitude of the females in the church. Proper clothing is important but what is most important is what is being communicated from the heart.
If the woman’s heart is right with God she will dress in a way that says, “I am an honorable person before God and man.” In other words, godly women want to catch and keep their man with their spiritual aptitude more than than their sexual appeal. Once married the clothing part becomes optional in the privacy of their personal space.
In the beginning they [male and female] were naked and unashamed! Kingdom covenental co-habitation should develop into shameless sharing of each other’s complete person and personality.
The way the different genders speak to one another needs to be clarified. Most communication is non-verbal so communicating clearly needs to be a core value for both genders.
For the single male, I would suggest before making some “barbaric” statement to a single female that has “caught” your gaze, to ask them this simple question. “What are you communicating to me in the way that you are dressed, or behaving?” Oh wait, in today’s sexually sensitive society that is now considered sexual insensitivity or harassment. But hey, if she is saying to you that she is sexually available that is your sign to flee youthful lusts.
1 Corinthians 6:18 ISV
“Keep on running away from sexual immorality.”
2 Timothy 2:22 NLT
“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.”
For the female things can be more uncertain. If they confront those males that creep them out they may be subjecting themselves to more unwanted advances. Here is definitely where wisdom and a real reliance on the Holy Spirit is needed.
The unfortunate part is women have no real recourse except to be trained and armed for whatever action is necessary to protect themselves from real predators. That and having healthy and holy males in their life who will rain down holy hell on anyone not respecting the boundaries they are setting, and clearly communicating for themselves.
So what are we to do as a society? When communication is confusing, and seeking to understand what is being “said” is labeled sexual insensitivity at best and harassment at the worse, how are the genders supposed to engender themselves to each other in a healthy and holy way?
This blog is not going to solve the issue of sexual sabotage but hopefully it will begin a divine dialogue where the participants will not be demonized.
Keep HIS Passion, Peace, Power, Presence and Purpose!
Dr. Kevin M. Drury, DMin
ABIPE – Aramaic Bible In Plain English
ISV – International Standard Version
NAS – New American Standard
NLT – New Living Translation
YLT – Young’s Literal Translation